The First Thing to Do.


“What you do for yourself—any gesture of kindness, any gesture of gentleness, any gesture of honesty and clear seeing toward yourself—will affect how you experience your world. In fact, it will transform how you experience your world. “~ Pema Chodron

I’m sure you’ve heard of the phrase ”pay yourself first,” which means that you contribute to your savings before you pay your bills. In fact, you make the contribution to your savings even if you are not able to meet your bills for that particular month. Over time, those who follow this practice amass a hefty savings plan over time because they have steadily contributed year after year.

Often we spend our time meeting other people’s needs before we meet our own. We put other people before ourselves. Then, we end up looking for validation from another person, which can cause resentment if we don’t get it. We get burned out.

What if we gave to ourselves what we are seeking first? I think it would change the way we relate to others, because our needs would already be met.

We would approach helping others in a different way—not out of obligation or the need for them to reciprocate. Giving to yourself first is like putting the oxygen mask on yourself before you help others.

If you give yourself compassion, gentleness, consideration and kindness first—then anything that comes your way is just—wow.

What do you think is “missing” in your relationships? What do you want others to give to you? How do you think that would change if you simply gave it to yourself—without apology?

Below is a video from Benjamin Smythe I just love. He seems to focus on love relationships at first, but I think it encompasses all relationships and how to have a happy life.


  1. Val says

    Good Morning
    After many years of struggle I have finally met my authentic self. It was worth my time and effort. I have learned to say “not again.”
    I have also viewed Benjamin Smythe’s video on depression. Speaking from experience you have to crash and burn, surrender completely, then ask for help; whatever way that may be.
    Blessings to all

    • Sue says

      Hi Val!

      Sorry for the late response. I love Benjamin Smythe. I will look up his video on depression. Thanks for telling me about it.